Wednesday, June 11, 2014

All your knowledge are belong to us

Somedays, while I am supposed to be revamping my CV but I idly chase a stray thought through the freescape of my imagination, I am struck by how little I know about the world.

Truly, and despite spending an inordinate amount of time on the interwebs (going from CV writing tips (bleargh) to reading about B-52 Bomber updates within the span of a couple of minutes), I know less than what I think I should about the world. 

For example:

1) I don't really know how electricity is transmitted. Or radio waves. Or sound waves even. Or light.  I can't really prove the Big Bang happened.
2) I don't know how fossil fuels create energy, and why steam cars are silly, but steam turbines are awesome (er?).
3) I don't know how to construct a building. Or make bricks, or cement, or steel. And paint! How do you make paint!
4) I don't understand carpentry well. Or plumb-ery. Or electricty (wait, I already said that.)
5) I wouldn't know how to make a processing chip. Or wine. Or perfume. Or cheese! CHEESE. Or tomatoes. Or fertilizers. Or refrigerators. Or bras. Or tampons.
6) I don't know how to set a bone. 
7) Or write music.
8) Or make a candle from animal fat.
9) Or make a fountain pen.
10) Or ink. Unless I catch a squid.
11) But how will I make a net?
(old joke: Sew some holes together).
12) OMG. needle and thread.
13) For which I need bones.  But where to get bones? :(
14) And fibre.
15) Rope! Rope-making is supposed to be an art. Yet another thing I have no knowledge of. 
16) And how will I ever build a raft. Forget a canoe, or a trieme, or a ship. OMG what to do about AIRCRAFT CARRIERS.
17) Bombs. Fission. Sigh. How to tell uranium 231 from whatever else.
18)  And how to make batteries. Spectacles. Torches. Matchsticks (phosphorous  - this I remember from Chemistry class but not much more).
19) Headphones. (by this point I am weary and am randomly looking around my study to see what I can make from the objects all around)
20) Post-its, no. PAPER! TOILET PAPER OMG, PLUMBING (already said that, didn't I?).

Everyday, around item no. 20 on my list of things I don't know, I give up on the pursuit of useful knowledge, and I console myself with the fact that some disaster-preparedness star American has figured this out, and collected books, and built bunkers and so on. If the world ever sort of ends, I will just have to find this person (but what to do about compass and sailing and processed and preserved food and emergency medication and nets and all?) Sigh.

What if I end up in Australia instead and get eaten by a jellyfish. Life is treacherous, you know, and its just the kind of comically-ironic event that would happen to me.

Anyway, I don't know why, but everytime I think about all of the awesome knowledge out there that I'd like to learn (like transistors and submarines and stocks and monetary policy and the concept of private property!), I feel bad that I'm instead becoming the kind of person who's writing a CV.

Screw the CV, I want to say. My CV should say.

Address / Ph / Email :

I AM AWESOME and funny and I like dragonflies. I am also very smart and I think you should talk to me because I like lots of interesting things and can tell you about them (like nets and jellyfish invasions ). Bye!

But it doesn't. Someday when I have broken the system responsibly from the inside, I will make a CV like this one. Unless a jellyfish has eaten it. 


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